1. It's important to have a
woman, who helps at home,
who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you
laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust
and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed
and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women
do not know each other.
Don't judge a book by its movie.
True Courage?
Not the smartest cops!
LOUD SEX
A wife went in to see a therapist and said, 'I've got a big problem, doctor.
Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting
yell.'
'My dear,' the shrink said, 'That's completely natural. I don't see what the
problem is.'
'The problem is,' she complained, 'It wakes me up!'
QUIET SEX
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a
recent lovemaking session, 'How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?'
She glanced at him casually and replied, 'You're never home!'
SOCIAL SECURITY SEX
Two men were talking. 'So, how's your sex life?'
'Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex.'
'Social Security sex?'
'Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!'
CONFOUNDED SEX
A man was in a terrible accident, and his 'manhood' was mangled and torn from
his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his
manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it was
considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for 'small,'
$6,500 for 'medium,' $14,000 for 'large.'
The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to
talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife
on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room,
and found the man looking dejected.
'Well, what have the two of you decided?' asked the doctor.
The man answered, 'She'd rather remodel the kitchen.'
WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 50th wedding
anniversary.
The husband yells, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here
Lies My Wife-Cold As Ever'.'
'Yeah,' she replies, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'
WOMEN'S HUMOROUS SEX
My husband came home with a tube of K-Y jelly and said, 'This will make you
happy tonight.' He was right.
When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He
couldn't get back in.
ELDERLY SEX
One night an 87 year old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92 year old
husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him
off the balcony of their 20th floor 'assisted living apartment.' Killing him
instantly.
Brought before the court on a charge of murder, the judge asked her if she had
anything to say in her defense. She began coolly, 'Yes, your honor, I figured
that at 92, if he could have sex, he could fly.'
